Foster Parenting: How Long Will You Live With Us?

Foster Child Little A

I may have been a little overly ambitious with this whole blog thing. In theory I love the idea. In reality, how in the h-e-double-hockey-sticks do working moms survive? I’m lucky if I get a shower every day, let alone some personal time for writing and reflection. Truth be told, I’m feeling a little overwhelmed.  I’m also feeling like parenting is still the most rewarding thing in the whole world. You probably feel that way too? In that way foster parents and bio parents are the same. Yet I’ve been thinking more about how foster parenting is different…

I have some friends who have recently or will recently send their first born off to college. It is not an easy time. The kid spreads their wings and the parents can only hope and pray that the foundation they have poured over 18ish years is solid. Mom and dad watch in anticipation to see which nuggets of wisdom will stick. 18 years, typically, to feed into the lives of children before sending them on their merry way.

We very likely will not have 18 years with A. Unless we get to adopt her we won’t even have 18 months.* That means that every day we do have with her REALLY counts. Like a parent sending their teen off to college, we hope that the impact we are having is profound and that the effects are long lasting.

As A grows up she probably won’t remember us. She won’t remember the nights we woke up 12 times to comfort her back to sleep or the 17 different sleeping arrangements it took to finally find one she was happy with. She probably won’t remember splashing in the pool or sledding down small and then bigger hills. She won’t remember what she learned from our snowboarding lessons or the grandma’s and grandpa’s she visited with who were absolutely in love with her. She may not remember the little songs we sang, the prayers we prayed, jumping on Papa Adam, burping with Aunt Mel or being smooshed between a kiss sandwich. She likely won’t remember that she had a dog named Roxy who she loved to feed and walk and torment.

But all that begs a question: If a person doesn’t remember the nice and the good things, does it make those things not worth doing? (This awesome guy, Stu Graff, has a great post about the topic. You should check it out.)

While A won’t remember specifics, I am confident that all this love and all these experiences are making a difference for her. The footing of a home isn’t the most glamorous part, but it is the part on which all else depends.

In my first post I made the statement that foster care is something you need not be scared of. I am seriously not sure why I said that? Did anyone out there think to call my bluff? I guess I am still processing. I guess I was hoping more people would want to do it (and you should). But I would be lying if I didn’t say I would like to retract that statement. We are absolutely in love with this child and we may be about to “send her off to college.” Truth be told, we are scared shitless…

The bottom line is though, whether it is 12 months or 18 years, every day counts.

I believe it counts whether they remember it or not.

Do you?

As always, would love to hear your thoughts.


*There are time limits with regards to how long a child can remain in foster care without a permanency plan. Due to A’s age, she is only allowed to be in the system 1 year. At 1 year a permanent solution needs to be in place. That means A could be with us until October. In future posts I hope to outline how all that is determined…

“I don’t wanna be someone who walks away so easily

I’m here to stay and make the difference that I can make” – Jason Mraz