Little A loves baby dolls. She likes to put clothes on them, pretend to feed them, make cry noises and pat their backs and rock them. Particularly troubling to her is when another child is playing with a baby doll she wants to play with. She is communicating better now, but just a few short months ago she would point and fuss and whine, “mine.”

As her parents it is our job to teach her what is and is not socially acceptable behavior. Yet if ever my heart has been able to relate to hers, it is in these moments. Sometimes I want to act the same way.  I just wish little A was mine… Waaaa.

Have I mentioned that we are foster parenting with the hope of adopting? That wasn’t the original goal, per say. When you go through the process to get certified you can check all sorts of different boxes indicating what type of court case and / or child you would like to foster.

Within 12 hours of having A we knew we wanted to adopt her if that were to become an option. I’m not sure if it will be like that with every child we foster. I do suspect that wanting to adopt her has made foster care all the more emotional for us (or perhaps just me as Adam tends to have a great perspective and a level head).

At this point in the game the emotional roller coaster has become routine. About every two weeks we get an update from a lawyer or caseworker that either leaves me feeling elated or wanting to crawl into a hole. The emotions were intense at first. Now that we are a little more accustomed to how all of this works I understand that today’s update on the case may look nothing like tomorrows. Sometimes updates are based on how visitation with bio parents is going. Sometimes we get information regarding how A’s parents are doing on their treatment plans. Sometimes we hear about A’s extended family members and the interest and/or appropriateness of them adopting her.

I wish I could be more specific on details. Perhaps when this is all said and done I will be able to go back and fill in some gaps. Suffice it to say there are some days when I feel strongly that A will be ours forever. There are other days when I feel hopeless and have to remind myself that God is in control and knows what’s best. Little A is not “mine.” She is His.

All of this custody stuff will unfold over the next 4 months or so. We go back to court on June 20^th (next Friday!).

How is parenting your own children a roller coaster? Or is it? Would love to hear your thoughts.

Xo,

KG.